歐洲自由行│瑞典自助│性開放嗎?街頭時尚與情愛之間(怪奇社會觀察下集)│Europe Travel│Backpack in Stockholm│attractiveness, sex, and love

第一天抵達瑞典,就被全球數一數二最高平均值嚇到:身高/顏值/時尚指數、英語普及度、男女平權。如果你喜歡看街拍雜誌、喜歡混搭簡約的質感巧思穿搭,斯德哥爾摩是你不容錯過的地方。

On the very first day when I arrived in Stockholm, I was stunned by some facts: how good-looking and fashionable people are, everyone speaks great English, and gender equality.

之前聽匈牙利的朋友說,在斯德哥爾摩問路,會越問越迷惘,因為被迷倒失神了。當時聽了白眼她太誇張,但我第一天就經歷到了。(請白眼我)

A hungarian girl friend once told me, if ask for direction in Sweden, you might even get more lost because the men are too handsome. Exaggerating? However, I experienced exactly what she said on the first day…

這文有點膚淺?請繼續看下去,保證內文很有深度,真心不騙。
It seems shallow? Yes, you can call me shallow… But I promise you will find more than skin-deep!

(接續上篇: 瑞典72小時│請將斯德哥爾摩放進你的人生必訪清單)
(see last post about Sweden: 72-hr in Sweden│Make sure you mark Stockholm as must-visit)

平均外貌:高!爆表!
Swedes, you just won the gene lottery.

平均身高 (average height):男 181.5 cm/ 女 166.8 cm
(Male 5’11/ Female 5’5)

人均時尚指數:全球最高!
Fashionista index: highest in the world!

這是一個膚淺的段落沒錯,但每個來到這裡的人都會驚豔這件事,這裡好像人人懂穿搭,每人都精心打扮。先天條件+穿搭技巧,難怪常見瑞典被大家認為是全球最迷人的國家。

此外,人們很重視健康、運動、飲食等,很多五十歲以上的人,看起來比實際年齡年輕很多,或許也跟每年日照只有4-5個月有關,肌膚受到此外線傷害而老化的程度,也小於其他長日照國家,大部分人的皮膚都很好,(或很會遮瑕)。

This is indeed a “skin-deep” thing, but this inevitably presents to everyone who visits this country. It seems to me that you need a certain level of fashion sense to be a good citizen in Sweden, or at least, in Stockholm. Good gene +  fashion practice, you see people taking streets as their catwalk on a daily basis.

Besides, Swedes are highly aware of healthy life style, generally people look much younger than actual age. I also notice that most people have really good skin, but not sure if it’s also because Nordic has relatively less sunlight.

(The myth most Asians have: westerners, especially caucasian (white), look older than their actual age.)

時尚指數:*****
Fashionista Index: *****

示意圖來源:GQ    (街上男生真的就穿這樣、露腳踝,但今年夏天的顏色是再淺一點的藍)
Photo from: GQ    (In Stockholm, you really see the dress code for men is “fit + stylish”)
GQ style-blogs-the-gq-eye-IMG_9315

這裡的style自成一格,用色大多是一身基本色(黑/白/灰/深淺藍/卡其)+一點花紋,整體感覺並不會造成太大的視覺衝擊,多半是清新、乾淨(淡色系)、巧思、趣味。

合身剪裁,是男士各種裝扮的keyword。相較於男生的合而不緊,女生們的裝扮反而不強調那麼合身,而是強調比例,用色舒服、不過分裸露。如果說法國女生的強項,是恰如其分的裸露在性感之上、在低俗之前,那瑞典女生的專長就是簡約名媛系、或精靈系的清新雋永。

如果說,孔夫子的儒家思想造就台灣整體人民的溫良恭儉讓,那瑞典社會(至少在首都斯德哥爾摩),絕對有時尚論語最高指導市民每日穿著。

The city has its own dress codes for men and women. In general, 1-2 neutral colors as  basic color tone, and then add on something exquisite with bold details, such as accessories/ a scarf/ glasses.

Men:
dress fit/ slim cut, modern, no matter what kind of attires

Women:
loose cut compared to men, elegant no matter casual or formal

If the perfect amount of sexy is the art that french women manage, I would pick “fresh and elegant” for women in Sweden. Nothing creates strong visual impact, but you will remember how beautiful they are.

In Asia, if Confucius* has sculptured the way how social relationship and personal behaviors should be, then there must be some fashion philosophy for Swedes’ daily outfit.

看其他人怎麼說:
See how other people thinks about Swedes:

1)瑞典人全球最迷人?/The most attractive country?
2)瑞典男生花太多時間照鏡子? / Swedish guys spend too much time in front of the mirror?

*See the video from 00:45 for Confucius’s philosophy about social relationships

個性呢?
How Swedes are like?

不善於聊天、陌生人攀談或打招呼?別,這很怪!(美國人表示:很不習慣)、喝起酒來很瘋狂,還有性開放、覺得裸體是很自然的事(可能跟桑拿文化有關)。

As eager to understand Swedes more, I watched at least 10 videos on youtube to see the perspectives from locals and expats. Most people agree Swedes are:

1) not good at small chat
2) drink like a Viking
3) open to sex
4) nudity? can’t be more natural
5) don’t talk to strangers on the streets, you just don’t (Americans, maybe stop saying hi to everyone.)

斯堪地納維亞地區的人,看起來人冷冷的,也許跟氣候有關,如果一年有一半的時間又冷又沒有太陽,走在路上真的會只想加快腳步。

這幾天的經驗是,如果問路,大家都很樂意幫忙,臉部會從完美冷峻的線條,瞬間變成璨笑回答。第一次搭乘地鐵,我隨意在地鐵裡像一位高帥書卷混運動風的型男 (俊男美女的比例是80%以上),他微笑回答我:「你要去另外一邊的月台。」

然後,我就傻傻的看著他,他只好再重複說一次,等我回過神之後,立刻轉身嬌羞笑,這…不合理呀,剛剛停格的兩秒,我的眼睛裡有日系少女漫畫的多瞳孔、玫瑰花補滿整個畫面。隔天在便利商店結帳時,看著璨笑的女店員也是一樣。

你能想像如果這裡有扒手,相較有些城市的臭水黨竊犯,這裡一定是全球段數最高的微笑迷魂技倆。

Scandinavians usually give a cold impression, but whenever you need help on the streets, they usually give you a big smile and are really willing to help.

On the first day of my arrival, I randomly picked a handsome guy (over 80% are so handsome, so yes, randomly) in the metro station and ask for direction, he smiled at me and pointed the way.

I looked at him and found myself lost in his finely-sculpted face for 2 seconds and became the girl in Japanese Manga with flowers in the background.

                                Picture source: here

This is insane. Yes. But it is what it is…

一夜情很可以?
One night stand? No biggie.

「我看youtube上有些影片說,這裡的人,不擅長聊天?」我問。

‘People here are not good at small chat?’ I asked the airbnb host.

『當然不能以偏概全,但基本上,是,可以這麼說。』airbnb的女主人回答。

“Everyone is different, but generally, yes.” with more than 50-year being a local, She replied.

為了更了解這裡的人,我在網路上看了很多對瑞典人的描述,但最讓我困惑的,是「不擅長聊天、不喜歡跟陌生人攀談、但是又性開放、一夜情說出來大家不會大驚小怪」,這加在一起是什麼意思…?

But what confuses me is, if you don’t talk to strangers and are not good at chatting, at the same time open to sex, plus drink like a Viking…

「你去酒吧,看到一個人,大喝,然後跳過聊天,直接第三句就問要不要一夜情嗎?」

‘So basically when in a bar, you drink yourself drunk and walk to a person and ask for ONS within 3 sentences?’ I wonder.

『對,你可以這麼說。』一位南斯拉夫移民瑞典25年的居民跟我說。『有時候在酒吧,女生直接走過來第一句就問:要不要一起回家,這讓我覺得自己好像架上的食物。』

“Yes, sometimes it is exactly like this.” an immigrant from Yugoslavia who lives in Sweden for 25 years answered me. “Girls in the bar sometimes just walk to you, skip all the opening chats, ask you if you want to have sex.”

“It makes me feel like I am a kind of food on the shelf “

『就像是:今天想吃三明治,那就挑這個吧!』

It’s like she thinks “Want to eat sandwich today? Let’s pick this.”

生活觀察:
Observation on Swedes:

閱讀
Reading:

和巴黎一樣*,等車的人、搭車的人,手裡會有一本書,相較於台灣、南韓、日本的整排手機,這裡在路上低頭滑手機的比例很低,目視低於15%。電子書?No,看紙本書。

Comparing to Taiwan, Japan, South Korea …etc, people hold a book in their hand instead of a smart phone in the metro or while waiting. Kindle for e-book? No, they like the old school way as Parisians* do.

相信我,看書真的讓人的外貌更有深度。

*因為三個月前去巴黎,所以跟巴黎比較。I visited Paris few months ago, so.

個性獨立:
Independent:

這主要是從airbnb女主人(5x歲)、她兒子(2x歲)、她男朋友,他們友善地跟我聊天,十幾二十分鐘的深度對話也ok,聊天完之後,彼此就回到自己的獨立空間。各做各的事。跟亞洲人和我認識的東歐人比起來,「一起」的團體氛圍低很多很多。

伴侶看起來傾向是「兩個獨立的個體,選擇一起分享生活」,而不是「彼此互相依賴、互相完整」。

I discover this mainly from the airbnb host, her son, and her boyfriend, and how they interact. It seems to me more like different individuals who decide to spend time with each other, not to rely on or to find security from each other. This is a huge difference from the Asian culture I know.

Perhaps it also has something to do with the social financial help which enables young adults to be independent at earlier stage (SEK 1050/Eur 103, in age 16-20)

男女平權
Gender gap? We are all equal.

gender gap

這點可能呼應到上一點,2017年全球性別平等指數*,瑞典排名第五名,(意外的,美國排名49),這代表什麼?

1) 在瑞典,女生如果要付錢,就讓她付。
2) 如果她表示她會什麼,她可能真的比你專業很多 (avoid mansplaining)。
3) 女生們,需要幫忙要開口! 面對火車站兩層樓的樓梯,幾乎不可能出現男人主動跟你說:「你20公斤的行李箱,需要幫忙嗎?」
4) 法律規定男人也一定要休育嬰假,建議是五個月(雙方總共享有480天)。

This could echo to the former paragraph about independency, you can’t ignore the gender equality in Sweden. In 2017, Sweden ranks 5th in The Global Gender Gap Report by World Economic Forum. What does it means in daily life?

1) If a girl wants to pay, she means it. It would be rude if the man still insist on paying.
2) Avoid mansplaining. She might be more professional than you are, for real.
3) Girls, if you need help, say it. Men won’t expect that and they don’t want to be rude by offering help upfront.
4) Men are required to take maternity leave, suggested to take at least 5 months out of 480 days entitled.

*參考的指標包含:工作機會和經濟活動參與、就學比例、嬰兒性別占比與成人健康、政治參與
The factors includes: economic participation and opportunity, educational attainment, health and survival, political empowerment

伴侶制度
Partnership and marriage

A. 婚姻、同居、生小孩,只是同居也要小心財產!
Marriage, cohabitation, having kids

3個重點:還是很多人結婚、同居要小心財產、非婚生小孩占一半。
3 quick notes: marriage rate still tops in EU-28, clarify the property before your boy/girlfriend moves in, over 50% of births are outside of marriage.

從我身邊的歐洲朋友來看,瑞士、德國、荷蘭、法國、還有瑞典,因為很多國家都有登記伴侶或同居的制度,享有部份伴侶的權利、又省去繁瑣的宴客和法律流程,所以1) 有小孩、同居十年 2) 三十出頭歲、有小孩、單身 3) 交往20年、沒小孩、也沒結婚,以上這些都是很常見、大家聊起來不會尷尬或是大驚小怪的。(台灣長輩表示:嗯?)

所以在瑞典,因為還是有很多伴侶選擇不結婚,為了保障經濟弱勢的一方,「未婚同居」又稱「sambo」 (Cohabitation outside marriage),是很多年輕族群的選擇。值得注意的是,同居前協議很重要,因為搬去一起住很容易,但其實在法律上就已經算是一件大事,因為跟日後房產分配有相關。

Like some other EU countries, in Sweden, couples have more options than getting married, Sambo, Cohabitation outside marriage, is quite popular among younger generation.

But it’s maybe better to discuss first and make an agreement before simply just moving in together because the division of joint property needs to be faced when separate.

B. 性別平等、同志友善

列為歐洲前十的性別平等國家,1999年,同性可以登記伴侶,2009年4月,法律承認同性婚姻,無論同性異性,都可在教堂由神父證婚(!),只要是在2009年4月前登記的伴侶且有一起報稅者,政府就幫你自動升級,視同婚姻,且是由同一部性別平等婚姻法規範,(在這之前,同性與異性伴侶是由兩套不同的法律來規範)。

「沒有人在乎你是什麼性別認同或是喜歡什麼性別,那是你私人的事。你的個性、怎麼對待人、和在工作上展現專業比較重要。」一位瑞典人這麼說。

Sweden is open to same-sex and LBGTI, same-sex since in 1999 could registered as partners under the Registered Partnership Act and since April 2009 Gender-Neutral Marriage Law applies to all. (before that, there was different law for same-sex.)

‘We don’t care whom you like, gay or not, that’s your private life. How you treat people and being professional at work matter much more. ‘ says a Swede.

看了這麼多,你已經迫不及待希望被外派到這裡了嗎?但綜合以上,外派瑞典可享有很棒的生活水平、只會英語絕對溝通無礙、有大自然又有進步的科技,但可能找一夜情比找伴侶容易很多,如果待個兩年以上,長期想要有個伴不容易,可能要三思噢!BBC: 對外派者來說,瑞典可能是全球最讓人寂寞的國家

Can’t wait to move here? One of the countries with the best living standards in the world, yes. But according to BBC, Sweden might be the loneliest country for expats, so make careful consideration before you move!

One Comment

  1. Great text..mix of humour and facts…sometimes very good observations I can say as a scandinavian..not to forget lovley photos.I truly enjoyed this.Thank you for shareing.

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